This is something that concerns a lot of parents as quite often we don’t know how to deal with our child’s behaviour in the home, let alone when they’re at school.
This is nothing to be ashamed of, children don’t come with a manual and there are many parents who feel overwhelmed when their child misbehaves.
The secret is to establish simple rules that you stick to. Don’t say things that you don’t mean and you can’t carry out.
Children are very fast learners, can very quickly work out the easiest route to getting what they want and will manipulate you to get their own way. This can often mean doing the sort of things that give the impression that you don’t love them or they don’t love you, especially if they don’t get their own way. Sometimes the behaviour can be quite extreme, noisy and even violent. If a child knows from experience that continuous extreme behaviour can wear you down, that’s what they’ll do.
If your child asks for something, ask them why they want it. If it’s a genuine reason but it’s not convenient for you to provide what is wanted at that moment in time, explain why in simple terms. If the ‘ need’ is driven purely by a desire from your child to have what they want, or they cannot explain why they want it, just say ‘No’. And mean it. There should be no negotiation.
This is often when the ‘extreme’ behaviour kicks in, which is aimed at embarrassing you to such an extent that you decide the easiest way out of this is to give in. Be warned - if you do you are teaching your child that this extreme behaviour brings results and they’ll use it again and again. Do not change your mind, no matter what behaviour you face. Speak calmly and ask them to stop behaving so badly. Give them a chance to calm down by staying quiet yourself. Don’t try to out-shout them or reason with them; you have said what you want to happen and that is that. Don’t issue empty threats and certainly don’t threaten them with violence. It’s quite OK to warn them that continued bad behaviour will result in a punishment when they get home. It’s quite a good idea not to say what that might be.
This can seem like a daunting task for some parents but remember, children are quick learners, stick to it and they will quickly learn that extreme behaviour doesn’t work.